I was feeling a little Job type action going on. Except, you know, my family members haven't been killed, no one has stolen my sheep and I haven't been smited with boils.
But it has kind of felt that way. And I would explain further but it's all pretty personal. Though if you've been paying attention you know hubby has had some health issues, that's a chunk of it.
Sometimes though? Seriously?? I'm done. All used up. And this week I had the conversation with hubby right along these lines.
I'm tired. Eighteen months-ish (or really, 17 years since Desert Storm, when we met) I have worried. And cared. And stressed about his health and well being. And now that he seems to be falling apart piece by piece, I wonder how much fear and worry I have left in me. I wonder what happens if the well runs dry and I can't handle it anymore? Am I the broken one then?
So, I told him, "I know you have X,Y, and Z wrong with you. And I worry about it from dawn til sleep, every single day, all the time. Today, though, I'm all tapped out. So sorry if it seems cold-hearted or uncaring, I guess today I feel like I can't punch the time clock...it isn't there for me right now to strain and worry. It's gone and today, there's nothing left."
Have you ever been so consumed with something that you worried that somehow, maybe, it would make your head explode, or you'd snap something, or you just feel like you are falling off the edge of the cliff?
I'm wondering who would be up for a monthly Pity Party? I mean, if once a month, you could come here and, you know, get some stuff off your chest? It would feel great, right? Even venting about somebody that you know who makes you crazy and you could talk about it on MY blog instead of that person maybe finding it on YOUR blog...it would be awesome.
I think this just might be the ticket. Because today, at least, I'm tired of being strong, and stubborn, and hard working, and resilient. Today, I just can't.
I actually had someone tell me once they were shocked I was in a bad mood because I'm "not allowed". Meaning, I am always very up and cheery. And, yeah, I usually am. But I am also angry or sad or overwhelmed some days and don't tell me I'm "not allowed" because I will kick you in the shins. I'm an incredibly flawed individual and while I try my best most of the time, I'm not perfect. Some day, I may actually convince myself I don't have to be.
Pity Party - party of one? Or would you like to feel sorry for yourself today too? If not, that's OK, I envy those of you feeling "cup is half full"...I used to be like that. But today, I'm not.
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.
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28 comments:
Pity Party, Table for 2.
I am completely overwhelmed with work, and supposed to go on vacation with 18 family members and not ready, not one little bit and my house is a mess and I haven't been to the gym and I am just plain stressed out and instead of that making me able to do more it is making me not sleep which makes me a mean bitch. Yeah, fun.
A girl friend sent me this:
Hope all is going better today. You might be feeling it this week and Uranus is being messed with and is one of the ruling planets of Acquarius. It should calm down in a couple of days. A bit of deep breathing and some fresh fruit has helped me.
If that was true it would make me feel better, but not too much.
I'm there.
I would be very angry with my wife if I found out she wasn't taking care of something deeply serious. We would have serious words which would include how selfish she was being thinking it only affected her.
Kick his ass.
I have severe kid issues in my house. Step daughter is making life miserable for step son and she's screaming at her dad getting all of her anger out on her dad. Of course he won't own up to trying to kill the whole family or dumping her on our lawn and telling her he didn't want to be her father. Loser. My daughter is watching all of this and mommy and I are trying to get her out of the wake of verbal destruction. My wife is a basket case of stress filled with 4 Welbutrins a day to stave off deep depression. I myself am dosing up on Zoloft to get through the summer. It sucks. We're also deep in debt.
Getting that out made no difference in my life.
So kick his ass for not taking care of himself.
Knot
I believe in a good pity party.Its aloud:) Im sorry you are having a hard time of it. I found that having a family was alot harder than I bargained for lol. It can just be hard at times. We were young and single and carefree.Now we are married and have kids to take care of.All we do is worry about this and that.I swear I am aging 5x more a year than normally lol. *HUGS* Now go get some chocolate :)
We can't always be superheros. Sometimes other people have to do there part too. Hang in there!
I've sat on my pity pot many a times.
It doesn't seem possible, but things do get better.
The key is to do just what you're doing. Close for the day, recharge you, take care of you, and drink lots of frozen froo-froo drinks with little umbrellas =)
<3
You deserve a huge bash! Let's see, you have four kids, a household to run, a small business, freelance acting/modeling work, all the organizations you belong to, plus being extremely caring for all your friends and family! Whew! No wonder you're exhausted. I need a nap just thinking about it all. You're amazing and most people would have had years of pity partying already.
Perhaps you need to give yourself a little of the attention you give so freely to others. I know, it's easy to say, but so hard to do. You'll get through this time, you always do, and you'll come out stronger than ever. Just be gentle with yourself in the process.
And yes, people are stupid in their assumptions. I've had more people say things like, "But you're always so happy" when I tell them I'm struggling with depression. It's irritating when they refuse to see that there is more going on than outward appearances.
So, here is my rsvp to the party. I'll bring the gin and tonics!
I'll make a standing reservation for the monthly pity party. I had my own little pity party last week over at this post, http://celticbuffy.blogspot.com/2008/06/not-about-houses-i-promise.html, and it's happily resolved itself (somewhat). But I'm still stressing over how inconsiderate my ex was in giving us only a few days notice to change a plan that had been in the works for weeks. Now I'm back to just plain stressing on the house we've found, moving, kid's behavoir, family non-acceptance, and waiting on the test results for Mr. Irony's endoscopy.
Ugh.
Take your day and NO WORRIES! Worry will always, always be there later, unfortunately. Smile because you want to, not because you think you have to. :)
Sigh. Sometimes even super hero's fall. I'm getting married in a month and my fiance's ex is trying to prevent us from moving to where we'd like to live. She has her kids 6 days out of the month. And thinks she can control our lives. And the courts keep letting her try. sigh. I should be extactic right now, but DAMN. So, pity party over here. Wanna sip on my margarita?
cry, cry, cry!!
you're entitled. we're all entitled.
i have a now ex husband and a child that have x, y and z. i was strong for the hubby until i realized i was being strong for someone that didn't want to, not couldn't, just simply didn't want to, be strong or responsible for themselves. i decided the only person i felt i needed to be strong for was myself and my children. i still have to deal with the little man and his issues and there are some days that i just don't want to do it anymore. physically, mentally, emotionally sometimes i get to the point that i am done. i can no longer be that strong, responsible mom.
**i wrote all this and then read everyone else's comments, ironic**
those are the times when i need "tina time". i go hiking, alone. i go to a movie, alone. i lay in bed when the kids are at their fathers, all day, alone and veg.
you can't help those around you if you are in a bad place. and sometimes in order to get out of the bad place you have to be selfish.
chin chickadee. you're human, not super-human. you are entitled to a bump in the road from time to time.
That's why Superman had Spiderman...and Batman had Robin...so they could help each other in the times they were down.
I'm sorry that times are tough...I told you I'd take you out for a margarita! ;)
Hang in there friend! We all need a pity party once in a while!! You're totally entitled!
My mom raised four of us and worked full time in the 70's. She didn't have the extra loads that you're dealing with right now, but I have often wished that it was okay back then for women to talk about taking a sabbatical from their families - and then DO IT - the way it's been talked about in recent years on Oprah.
I see nothing wrong with needing a break, now and then, from family obligations, and from those you love the most. It can be emotionally healthy for all involved.
For us, taking turns going to church camp was the only break we got from each other.
I'm so in.
House is a wreck, in-laws coming in a week, and I barely have time to get the dishes done, let alone clean the whole house. (I only have time to use the internet because I spend a lot of time bouncing the baby on my exercise ball, and it's in front of the computer.)
Brandon is not currently eligible for overseas transfer, pending his surgery. By the time he's cleared, we might not be able to get the pack-out date we wanted and so Brian would have to go over to Japan by himself and we'd catch up later. Meaning I would take care of the move by myself and fly across the ocean with a 3-year-old and a baby, by myself.
Also, I feel really, really fat and can't lose weight because I'm always STARVING and I don't want to *diet*, per se, because I don't want my milk production to suffer. Oh, and no time for exercise. And they cancelled the Saturday Mom & Baby yoga class, which was the only one I could make it to.
Anyway.
If anybody deserves a day off, it's you. I've totally done the same thing. Hugs.
I like to say Bitterman, Party of One your Table is Ready. Except that you aren't especially bitter. But it is funny none the less.
Oh i have pity partys all the time and I write them all over my blog, as a way to externally process and get it out there so my children can read it with their therapists when they are in college.
i am terribly flawed. So much so that it is almost an asset.
make sure to give keeley s a big fat democratic smooch for me if you see her.
You seriously have every right to be overwhelmed. And, if you have a pity party day & are okay with me bitching about the same thing every month, count me in.
Include me. Yep. For sure.
Toughen up buttercup... nahhhhh... We've all got those days, some of us just have more than others.
Pity parties sometimes are a good thing -a little cathartic, ya know, as you get all your junk out on the table. The drawback to them is that if it is some really serious crapola, we then tend to gather it back up inside us (the "clean-up tendency, ya know), stuff it back down and it continues to smoulder away and erupts over and over again -with no good consequences along the way.
The key is yes, to talk about it, then acknowledge that you alone can not deal with it, that you have no control over whatever it is and then, as a result, you concede control to your higher power and let that entity take over. Don't be put off by this but take the tenets of any 12-step program and apply them liberally to whatever issues you are experiencing in your life. Learn the serenity prayer, say it over and over when you start trying to assume control over issues that you can in no way control! Change what you can, accept those things you can't control, thus can't change. Learn the wisdom to know the difference. Does it make everything evaporate -all the problems of life? No, but it does enable you to manage what you can, change what you can and that would just be you, cause you are the only one who can manage a change there and only over or within yourself. Trust me, it does work, or at least helps and puts things into a better perspective, overall.
Now the idea of guest posting on someone else's blog when someone has a rant they'd like to do, get out of one's system but can't possible do on their own blog -for obvious reason (persons knowing who the blogger is ticked at or whatever) sounds like a really great idea to me. I've got bunches of stories I could write about but I can't because too many people know me, know those around me and would be able to peg who I'd be writing (and bitching) about immediately too then! Let me know when you want to put that in action as I want to be in the first line!
Now, talk, rant, whatever it takes to deal with life's evils, try the method I suggested to you too -see how much better then you'll be able to cope and you'll be so relieved to get rid of all the weight from the "SuperPerson" cape!
Peace!
Me too! Me too! I am so sick of being told "What are you upset about? Your lifes great, you have no right to be whiney"! Makes me want to RIIIIIP their head off and SH!T down their necks!
OOOO sorry, not the PITY PARTY day yet.
Its' been that kinda day, week, month.....
sweetcheeks, we've talked about this a lot via email. this was so brave of you to put out here. let me tell you, i snapped this week myself and when the someone responsible had the gall to tell me "I can't take this anymore" I said "you can take it and you will take it, just as I've taken it for xx years now"
man that felt good.
you are NOT alone. Pity Parties are a MUST.
And I'll come to the Pity Party with my Pessimist Mug.
http://www.despair.com/pessimistsmug.html
Okay, in a nutshell. Met hubby 13 years ago, 2 years later hubby started having surgeries to replace veins in his legs. Fast forward six years and 18 (including 5 amputations)surgeries later, lost both legs. In the next 5 years, hubby gets through bladder cancer, I have double mastectomy. Straw that finally threatens to break this camels back? He is fine now and we could travel, go out, have fun and now I am diagnosed with a disease that has me on oxygen 24/7. Ya, I'll come to your party once a month.
Sometimes the sunshine is there, but is hidden by a big, dark storm cloud. And that is OK. The sun will come out again. Just not today.
Take your time.
A monthly Pity Party could be therapeutic for everyone. "Well, things suck right now, but it a couple of days it will be Pity Party Day at Sunshine's and I can get it out of my system then." It helps to be among friends.
And yeah, sometimes you really do have to step back and say "I can't do this right now." You may be able to do it again in a day or two - but right now, you just need to stop.
Just let us know when to come around for the party!
Count me in. I might have gotten a whole five hours of sleep, but then the teething baby woke up TWICE and so I'm thinking it was closer to four. And there's other shit going on I can't talk about but it's there and I'm TIRED. Waaaaaaah.
You Go Girl.
Although things are better now, after my big sister was on a ventilator and feeding tube, we found out that our daughter-in-law had a lump in her breast. At that point, I was thinking bring on the boils, God. Gratefully, I did not get boils, my daughter-in-law is okay, and my sister is getting better everyday. There, thanks...I have not said that out loud.
You take care, Sunshine.
I could chime in, but I feel like I've had my allotment this week!
Though I haven't complained up my husband, who deserves it...
So you're having a rough time.
*pulling up a chair* There are days I just can't do it anymore. I can't worry (my husband is in a high-risk-to-bodily-harm-type job), I can't do it all, be it all or have it all. At least not all at once. I'm glad to see someone else who normally does it all needing to get off the trolly for a few minutes until their head stops spinning.
Not that I would wish it upon anyone mind you...just sayin.
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